It was not only an educational and exploratory journey, but also a breathtaking, beautiful, powerful and mysterious experience.
Even my 3-year old daughter was watching it SILENTLY and passionately through the entire movie. It was just astonishing.
But actually, it’s not the cutting-edge science facts as such that was so amazing to me; it’s more the attitude, the style of telling it, as well as the eye-popping visuals that made the movie so spectacular to me. It had the perfect proportions, the perfect length, the perfect telling voice, and the perfect video cuts- truly high standards! There was perfection in all, which made my experience so amazing.
This perfection fascinated me… as it always does.
Therefore, after the movie, I was having some reflections upon it.
It made me wonder whether being a perfectionist is a strong or weak quality of personal character.
Why does it matter at all?
If I am to claim that I wrote a perfect master thesis, I often point toward the fact that I was very focused on details, and that I supported all my arguments with relevant and correct calculations. For somebody else, a perfect master thesis is about the spelling, layout, length or the writing style. It can be the method of working and the time of completion that should count. There is also the way of presenting and persuading, the relevance of a topic, or its originality- you name it. If I am to claim that my master thesis was perfect, I would actually mean that I was satisfied with my result, because I met the high standards, set by myself. But the outsider will just call me a narcissist and how I actually dare to “call myself perfect”?
I believe we all have a very limited understanding of perfectionism. From a negative point of view, it is being associated with narcissism, self-importance, and over-confidence.. From another hand, it is being associated with excellence, high results and achievements, as a driver for quality work, and thus- in positive context.
So, we will have different perception of perfectionism, which, in turn, can result in conflicts, misunderstandings, underestimation and/or wrong illusions about peoples, as well, and judgments and wrong conclusions. Being a perfectionist can have severe consequences, such as low self esteem, depressions, obsessive and compulsive behavior. Eating disorders, can also be a symptom of perfectionism.
Not only do we know very little about perfectionism, but also there is not so much focus on perfectionist behavior at all. When should it be a focal matter? When does it have to be appreciated, controlled or criticized? When is it a private issue and when it should be discussed with your manager?
However, to comprehend, manage and control perfectionism, we first have to understand the characteristics, causes and consequences of this behavior, as well as the positive and negative sides of it.
Defining perfectionism: characteristics, causes and consequences
In my opinion, perfectionism is often mistaken for 'being perfect' or 'doing something perfectly'. Perfectionism it’s not being perfect and seeing you as perfect, but setting high standards and do things well. For example, being detail-oriented is one of several “perfectionist behaviors” when you want to make things well. It is also about putting a lot of effort into your work and challenging yourself.
According to Wikipedia, perfectionism, in psychology, is a personality disposition characterized by an individual striving for flawlessness and setting excessively high performance standards, accompanied by overly critical self-evaluations and concerns regarding others' evaluations.
If you are a perfectionist, it’s not about being a perfectionist in all aspects in your life. It involves putting pressure on ourselves to meet high standards in one or several different areas of our life: work, relationships, parenting, cleaning, study, organizing and ordering things, eating/weight, sport, health, grooming, clothing, etc.
Therefore, there is a big spectrum of “perfectionism behavior”, which makes us understand it differently, and thus, having different meanings about perfectionism.
Here are some examples of perfectionism behavior:
Checking: taking extra time for searching for errors
Detail orientation: having extra focus on details, missing to look at the whole picture
Excessive organizing and list making: repeatedly writing and re-writing the tasks
Hoarding: keeping piles of old unread publications in hope you will one day read it
Slowness: reading a book very slowly to make sure you don’t miss important information
Reassurance seeking: asking others to check your work in order to ensure the result is acceptable
Decision making: not being able to decide
Avoidance: do not make/start things in fear to make mistakes, or fear of being denied
Those are only few examples of perfectionism behavior, which is most of the time driven by desire to achieve the best results, or great things, or just by fear to make mistakes at all. As a consequence, perfectionists see most experiences as either good or bad, perfect or imperfect (black-and white thinking is another cause and characteristics of perfectionism behavior) , Thus, most of the time they will perceive perfectionism behavior as a driver for excellence, therefore seeing it as a strong/good/ perfect quality side. This “positive” perception of perfectionism will further accelerate the perfectionism, resulting in obsessive behavior (overly focus on details and rules), or extreme determination to overcome all obstacles to achieve success.
Another interesting dimension of perfectionism is how people perceive it. Often people tend to perceive a person as a perfectionist, based on the visible outcomes. However, perfectionism behavior can have hidden characteristics, which probably cannot be seen by an outsider.
For example, if perfectionists believe it can’t be done perfectly, it’s not worth doing. If a perfectionist knows that he or she makes spelling mistakes, he or she will lack motivation to write at all, or experience the fear of writing. A person who expects perfection may never try new behaviors or learn new skills because she thinks that she will never be able to do it well enough. At other times, she may begin the new behavior but give up early because she fears that she will never reach her goal .
From a perfectionist’s perspective, this behavior is driven by the desire to avoid mistakes, which is also the “substance” to pursue excellence. However, this destructive behavior and the causes of it will be hidden to an outsider, or very often, perceived as negative and weak quality of personal characteristics.
Some other examples of destructive perfectionism behavior are:
Low self-esteem: Because a perfectionist never feels good enough about himself or his personal performance, he usually feels like a loser or a failure.
Gloominess: If it’s not possible to achieve high standards, perfectionist can easily develop a negative attitude, or judge other people for not doing high quality job
Depression: If not everything is going after a plan, a perfectionist can be discouraged and depressed.
Guilt: When not doing what should be done, they often feel a sense of shame and guilt as a result.
Rigidity: Since perfectionists need to have everything meet an ideal, they tend to become inflexible and lack spontaneity.
So sometimes the drive to achieve high standards can put you in bad perspective- it can impair your performance, impact your well-being, worry and stress. This is the maladaptive perfectionism. For some individuals, maladaptive perfectionism is actually obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).
Positives and negatives that perfectionism gives: from my own experience
I believe perfectionism is a helpful skill in our skill tool box. Therefore, I always thrive to set high standards in my work (it does not mean that I always meet these). Sometimes they are achievable; sometimes it requires lot of afford, frustration and stress.
It all started at school. When I was in a second grade at the elementary school, I was deeply fascinated by one very beautiful, tidy, elegant, and intelligent girl from a class above me. I really wanted us to be alike. I started to be nitty-gritty with details: my clothing had to be perfect, as well my hand writing, home work, etc. It was hard job. However, at the end, for my effort I was rewarded with a silver medal, when I graduated, for the excellent marks. I believe the trigger for this achievement was the perfectionism . That is a great foundation if you want to apply for a university degree.
Also now, in my profession, perfectionism is an obligation. When your charge a customer a 11 million dollar bill, you have to be sure that the amount is an actual reflection of business. On paper, + or -1 can sometimes be unnoticeable. In business, it makes a huge difference. An accounting error from my side can cause a cut in somebody’s payroll in another business unit on the other side of the globe. Thus, I really have to focus on some areas, that others don’t see it as a necessary controlling step.
Take another example. A young journalist, who discovered Enron’s fraud, by tediously studying the annual reports, when everybody else believed they were smartest guys in the room. Were her motivations driven by perfectionism?
This is adaptive perfectionism- when a prototypical workaholic student/employee goes above expectations.
Being a perfectionist is hard work, which in turn, brings you closer to your dreams, endeavors and achievements. Therefore, I used to be sure, that perfectionism was a must (especially at work or school), because it bears quality and high standards, as well as creates excellence and care about our job.
However, last summer, after attending one interesting job interview, my perception of perfectionism changed. Trying to avoid errors, I achieved poor results on a score-based and time-limited test, which in turn had stressed me so much, that I was totally blank. Only recently, I understood that “my perfectionism” (in this case, anxiousness for making errors) was not helpful here. During that interview, I was told that there is a devil (named perfection) sitting on my shoulder, prohibiting my growth. Still, I was not convinced, why did he see it AS A BAD THING?
However, after having some reflections, I can see a negative side to it. I shouldn’t begin to learn other languages than English and Danish before being perfectly comfortable with those. I spend extra time to solve some task-I have to be a 100% certain of the outcomes validity. The latter and former will probably never happen. I can get lost in figures, like in a wild forest, which blinds me to see things from different perspectives. I always need somebody’s opinion on my job to be sure I do it right and that the results are acceptable. I even correct unacceptable behavior, even if they are strangers. I am focusing on the actual outcome, when the process itself should count.
Perfectionism stops me from doing something else and enjoy the process- it’s like a glass ceiling, which should probably be broken. However, I achieve good results, because I like quality work. So what can I do about this perfectionism?
Let’s go back to where I started: the movie. The movie was so powerful to me, because it was made by truly high standards. This is what all perfectionists strive to achieve: high quality products/targets/achievements. However, for me, the dominant impression of the movie is not based on the final product (in that case, the educational outcome of it), but on the process itself. Shouldn’t we then also forget about the final products we strive to achieve, and focus on the process? If you are perfectionist, then you can re-define your perfectionism: define what the perfect process (not the product) should be. Then you will be able to realize the scopes of your own perfectionist behavior, and decide whether it is a strong or weak side of your character.
Conclusions
Now, that I have learned and reflected about perfectionism and perfectionist behavior, and acknowledged that it cannot be ignored, I can conclude that perfectionism is not always a helpful virtue of personal behavior, and sometimes it has to be controlled and understood by ourselves and others. From another side, being a perfectionist is hard work, which in turn, brings you closer to your dreams, endeavors and achievements. But sometimes, setting high standards and being dedicated to maintain these standards can actually make your life worse, especially if your motives are invisible to others. This is the paradox of perfectionism.
Therefore, in jobs, where perfectionism (striving to achieve high quality product) is not appreciated enough, it would be a good “therapy” for a perfectionist to simply focus of the process, not the product you strive to achieve. And then, even if you have not achieved a perfect product, you will get an even higher benefit- the perfect process you went through was perfect.. Even a negative experience of this process can be perfect: you decide the outcome of that particular situation is.
Will you call yourself a perfectionist? Will you call it a good or bad quality?
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