Perfect and Honest?

The artificial cover-ups of our daily life have its own price. The price is authentic honesty. You can hide and yet, embrace your own honesty by any means. In this photo project, I play with the layers of honesty of people close to me, and not so close to me to express that honesty has higher worth than perfection.

The Rationalization of Happiness

“Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.”

― Nathaniel Hawthorne

 

The New Path for Ukraine

Today (27.06.2014) Ukraine has signed the Association Agreement and the Final Act with the EU. In his speech before the signature, the President noted: "It is a symbol of fate and unbreakable will. It is a tribute to people who gave their lives and health to make this moment happen. And it is the strongest reminder that today's Europe is and must be about people's determination to live in a better and fairer world".

But my post is not about the Agreement, its economic benefits, neither it’s about the mess caused after Janukovitch ditched the agreement and fled the country. My post is about people and some significant changes in Ukraine, which are worth celebrating. The change, which finally comes from people’s hearts. It’s also about the path, Ukrainians have chosen if they are to unite Ukraine.

By Olena Denysyuk

When I was going to travel to Ukraine last month, my colleague seemed worried and asked me not to demonstrate naked in the streets, and not to shout out – “Putin hands off Ukraine”.  In their eyes they were right, when thinking that it was going to be an extreme vacation, having in mind the recent political and separatist movements in Ukraine.  

On top of that, I missed my flight. Should I have taken this, as a sign from  the top that I was meant to stay home? All worst case scenarios taken into consideration, the worst thing that might happen, could be that the airport was shut down. There were no worries, nor fears and 5 days later than planned I started to make my way to Ukraine, bearing in mind the jungle of news that have been broadcasted directly into my brain during the last couple of months.

I arrived safely, not demonstrating naked or shouting loudly “Putin off Ukraine”. Yet, there are some things to be celebrated, which I am going to write about.

The flight was boring but the landing was soft, after which I had to jump on top of the heads of the passengers to escape the long queue at the passport control, only to get surprised shortly after. Ukraine met us with a completely new airport.  People met us with smiles. There were no long queues, as there used to be. No shouting, nor elbow pushing. There was no bureaucratic inefficiency, as there also used to be. I felt a warm welcoming and optimism from the people, which was very difficult for me not to notice. For the first time, I thought, it was no longer an ex-Soviet country, characterized by disrespect for time, inefficiency and long queues, meaningless declaration fulfilling at arrival. The airport system did change. So do people. And unfortunately the prices too. And the worries got washed away.

My stay in Ukraine was everything but extreme, even when speaking Russian. On the contrary, I noticed a significant change- people had become more caring, compassionate and polite despite the pain they are going through these days.

3 years ago, these features were in deficit. Actually, my first return back home in 2002 was a more extreme vacation for me. Having lived in Denmark, I used to meet strangers on street with smiles; I was acclimated to European tolerance; or simple soft behaviors from people. Yet, back then people in Ukraine appeared more offensive, tougher in their behavior- which was noticeable to me only after having lived in Denmark for some time.  So apparently - with all respect to my nation- a little rude and clumsy way of communicating in Ukraine was part of the culture- shared with Russian. Therefore, people could appear intolerant, offensive, wild and severe for no reason.

My irritation towards this graceless way of communication rolled enormously with each visit. While in Denmark, being a country characterized by less turmoil, people appeared more wealthy, stable and calm and therefore smiling and polite as a consequence. In Ukraine, in turn, having experienced the collapse of communism and the cracks in EVERY slice of society, people get used to instability and chronic uncertainty towards the future. Not to forget to mention that there is corruption on all levels; businesses are short-sighed, and spotting the arbitrage profit is the main goal of existence. Also for many, speculation became the source of their livings and, therefore, people had literally to use theirs elbows to get things done.  The concept of sustainability and patience was meaningless, because it even didn’t exist in Ukraine. Hours and minutes were measured by days and weeks; the word “yes” was replaced by “no”; the negative attitude prevailed the positive.

So, communism collapsed, and the new system was being built. The implication of a liberal market economy was not known to people, or the government. Thus, for example, the process of rebuilding the system was mainly accompanied with privatization- when the collective ownership was transferred into private ownership. And new governmental structures were formed, that took care of different registrations, controls, supervisions and permissions. From that period, the corruption gained in speed and became a part of the restructuring and rebuilding. Corruption had also spread the seeds of inefficiency, long waiting times and self-interest rather than public spiritedness, while navigating through the jungle of bureaucracy. Using your elbows, short-circuiting the system, be first on a line was the only way to get things done.

And the feeling of chronic stress is barely associated with smiles and politeness, isn’t it? Even knowing that, with my every visit, I got angry with people. There were a few times, when I felt the urge to correct, for example, doctors’ behavior and telling that they should not be rude to people, because they are supposed to set the example of graciousness and politeness. How naive I was. Sometimes I managed to trigger some reflection, but other times, I received aggressive remarks in return, pointing to the fact, that they have to be “persuaded” (with money), if you are to be exposed to politeness. So economic prosperity, and politeness go hand-in-hand. The harsher the economic condition- the less polite and smiling strangers you will meet.  

Like in prehistoric times, people (Ukrainians) banded together to fell the forest, till the soil, harvest the crops, and protect the same from invaders and marauders. So should they had been banding together to fight the corruption and instability. Like the collective effort of living and working together as well as helping the weaker was the fundamental driving force for “prosperity” during the communism, so should the same have prevailed later on, even in higher grade after the collapse of the system. Simple courtesy should have been the glue, which banded people in difficult economic times.

So, inefficiency and corruption of the public sector and its long waiting times resulted in frustration and self-interest. From my own subjective point of view, this was the main factors blocking courtesy.

To be honest, all these years I was horrified by this implicit aggressiveness in people.

Yet, this year was different.

As the political tensions worsened and the threat of split in Ukraine became real, people have in return gained common feelings for the nation. The need to solve everyday problems in cramped and uncertain conditions helped people to consolidate their forces with the goal of e.g., fight corruption; help the sick and injured ones; or simply express their meanings and support, like in a truly democratic country. On social media, for example, there were groups created with names, such as “National Debates”, “Student Coordinating Council” ,“Help the Victims of Kiev”, “Help the Victims of Maydan”, “Commission of Inquiry of human rights violations in Ukraine”, giving the opportunity for people to provide legal, finance or material help, as well as for others to get it for free.

I think Ukraine has never seen such a high level of people wanting to contribute to help to solve the political and economic tensions. For example, as of June 23 in the action "Support the Ukrainian army," the accounts of the Ministry of Defense received 133.795 million from businesses and individuals.

Also, to overcome the national pessimism, people also returned to national pride and national colors. For example, the motives from Ukrainian national dresses have gained extremely high popularity in fashion recently.

Ukraine has been in turmoil sinceNovember. But Ukrainians have never been seen so united, as now. And I have never until recently noticed that people did grasp the need to be united in today’s instability. And have never noticed people to be so polite, caring and open as they are now.

So why is national courtesy so important? First of all, I see courtesy like the glue that unites people. Secondly, I see politeness as a fundamental economic and behavioral characteristic, which should give rise to the national competitive forces, because the proper behavior is a source of new opportunities and willingness to cooperate, willingness to spend, improve and create. This is a new path for Ukraine.

And finally, I have one more reason to say, I love my country. I love Ukraine! And this is a wonderful country to visit!

Happiness: The Science behind Your Smile or HOW TO AVOID MAKING YOURSELF MISERABLE

“Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.”

                                                                                                                          ― Nathaniel Hawthorne

By Olena Denysyuk

INTRODUCTION

THE TITLE OF THIS BOOK IS “HAPPINESS: the science beyond your smile”.  IT SHOULD BE “HOW TO AVOID MAKING YOURSELF MISERABLE”. Happiness is a word that sells, but not the real topic of this book. It contents no concrete indication of what to do. Rather, it points where the main obstacles to a satisfactory life are. Actually this book is about what mistakes many people often make without realizing that their behavior will have almost inevitably lead to self-deception, disappointment and chronic frustration. And it shows that there can be many roadblocks on our ways to achieve our aims.

 

For instance:

-          our frame of reference, or how we compare ourselves to others with considerable myopia

-          the endowment effect, or how we come to attach more value than reasonable to our possessions

-          the peak-end effect or how we give preference to short-term intense enjoyment/entertainment over long-term pleasure

-          the exaggeration of the importance of life-events, i.e. the over-estimation of their effects on us personally

-          and, ultimately, the power of many foolish human desires, as it prevents us from enjoying our present possibilities for well-being, as Buddha demonstrated 26 centuries ago.

So, have you ever considered that actually we are not predisposed to be happy because we live on considerable state of uncertainty? For example, the knowledge of our own death, society’s suppression of our drives, or the cruel and illusory psychology of desire and “wrong” preferences, as well as other demands from society to be concerned with our self-presentation, put us in a state of eternal worry. 

Alas, we live in an economic system geared to constantly remaining us of our desires. So here we are leaving the personal sphere to the analysis of HOW our social organization based on market economics is inherently a source of profound frustration and the deep foundation of the lack of meaning in most people lives.

Therefore, we have to work hard to construct our own happiness.

 

Why is it So Difficult to Change a Habit?

Changing a habit is more about habitual behavior that requires a cognitive understanding of your activities. This means clear perception of causes and consequences of your own responses, reflecting on own behavior, and correct interpretation of a situation and a context according to what it means for you and how it fits into your reality. Changing a habit is more about knowing the psychology of habits.  

By Olena Denysyuk

OUR  bodies TENDS TO BE ENERGY-SAVING  and our brains give mostly a priority to what is perceived as usual, Therefore, very often,  we are not totally aware of our actions, as many of them are almost automatic. So, I will describe our CONSCIOUSNESS as “lazy”.

And there is a good reason for it: by performing complex behaviors without any consciousness, we save our brain energy for something more important. That is one of the reasons why our brain likes what is already familiar to us. Then, by knowing the patterns, our brains would know on which inputs to pay attention to and which to ignore. In music, for example, our brains crave familiarity, because familiarity is how we manage to hear without becoming distracted by sounds or noises. In turn, the system of liking makes us wanting it. Therefore, we are coming back again to something familiar to us, instead of wanting/accepting something new. And we come back- and we create habits. Again and again, because behavioral habits prevent us from becoming overwhelmed by the endless decisions we would otherwise have to make each day. That’s the rationale behind our lazy mind.

But at some point, for some individual reason, you might want to change a habit, as the brain’s dependence on automatic routines at some point can be dangerous. However, simply declaring your reasons for changing a habit (I am too fat, I am too lazy, I am too unhealthy, etc.) is not enough a predisposition for any work with a habit. The supremacy of the power of habits is thus in the understanding of the psychology of habits. So if you want to change a habit, you would need to comprehend the conditions (stimuli and clues) that lead you towards your habit. Also, you would need to understand what reward you achieve when executing your habit. Knowing exactly the powers of your habits, the dark as they are, is essential for forming and changing your habit behavior. Also, this way you can come to the source of “good” habits”. And, if you are lucky, you can adjust the dark power of a “bad” habit into something more enjoyable, powerful, and challenging.

The Dreams of Europe. The Dreams of Democracy. The Dreams of Freedom

A successful resolution of a severe political crisis requires immediate response, negotiation and a compromise among the political leaders. Unfortunately, Ukraine doesn’t have it - authoritarianism has taken over. And we are the Ukrainians and cannot keep quite. This letter is a call to Europe for help, because Ukraine is in terror and tragedy. It should no longer be a collective television watching only, as the incidents of the current severe intimidation are repeating the country’s history of terror in the 1930’s.

By Olena Denysyuk and Anastasia Erichsen

Photo by Olga Starostina

You might be asking who is right and who is wrong in the recent Ukrainian protests that turned deadly last week.  On the one side of the “front”, there are angry, desperate people with different social backgrounds and political views from various regions of Ukraine including Kievans, who came out to fight for their basic human rights. On the other side, there are thousands of governmental agents – internal military forces, police officers and the riot police Berkut. Known as the government tool for political repressions, Berkut forces are trained to suppress the uprising and have demonstrated the most brutal behavior such as cruel beatings, torturing, shooting directly at journalists and killing at least two protesters after firing bullets at them. Being paid very well Berkut is there voluntarily, while the internal military troops are there due to their military obligation. Hence, they are obliged to execute orders by law and if they change sides, they will be at risk of being sent to jail turning into objects of political repressions.   

Happy New Year!!!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! First of all, thank you all – especially to those nice people, who read my posts and a thank you in advance to those wonderful people, who are going to read them! And a very warm thank you to those, who rewarded me with a compliment, a comment, or constructive criticism, or a simple “like” on Facebook. And thank you to those, who showed support and understanding.

And now, I shall sum up!

One time my husband told me, it's better to be a pathetic blogger, than just be pathetic.

He should be ashamed of calling me a pathetic blogger!

But rather than feeling angry I felt quite honored, as he now calls me a BLOGGER! It’s always a pleasure to get a new stamp on your forehead.

So I kept on being a pathetic blogger for a little longer, rather than to be pathetic :)  (Apparently I am pathetic, if I am not blogging.)